Today I want to talk about our inner critics. This voice in our head narrates our entire life telling us how amazing we are or berating us telling us how we’re a piece of shit.  Without even realizing it, you may falsely believe the inner critic to be yourself.

I’m here to tell you that you are not your inner critic, and with a little mindfulness and practice, you can break free from these constant self-judgments. You may not be able to get the inner critic to shut her god damn mouth, but at least you will be able to recognize her voice and argue back.

My inner critic expresses herself to the likings of Regina George, you know, the leader of “The Plastics” on Mean Girls.  No matter how mean she is to me, I am constantly seeking her approval.

During group therapy last week, we practiced arguing back with our inner critic.  We came to group prepped with a few of our inner critic’s most common judgments.  Mine consisted of “You’re not good enough” “You’re going to fail” “Nobody likes you”.  One therapist played the role of “inner critic” while the other assisted with arguing back.

Armed with my critic’s arsenal of insults, the therapist became my inner critic exclaiming, “You’re not good enough.”  I sat silent.  “Why can’t I argue back?” I thought, “I thought this would be so easy.”  I sat frozen thinking, “I can’t argue with that because I’m not good enough.” I couldn’t see that this was the critic’s voice, not mine.

With a little a lot of help from the other therapist, I began to weakly argue back, “I am good enough.”  The critic’s voice continued to echo insults throughout the room.  The therapist continued to guide me. “Why are you good enough?” she asked.  Again I sat silent.

After what felt like an hour passed, I timidly said, “Because I’m worth it.” “Say it like you mean it,” the therapist said.  “I’m worth it,” I said a little louder.  “I’m worth it”, I began to repeat over and over, louder and louder.

“I’M WORTH IT! I’M WORTH IT! I’M WORTH IT!”

I learned two major things about myself during this exercise.  One, my inner critic has a greater control over me than I realized, and more importantly, I am not my inner critic.

By the therapist becoming the critic, I was able to visually separate myself. Here I am, and there is the critic standing across the room facing me.

I am not the awful things I say to myself every day, and I do not have to listen to that voice.

In the days following this group session, I’ve found it easier to identify when I am judging myself too harshly, and I argue back with that voice.  Yes, I’m good enough.  So what if I fail.  Yes people like me, and so what if they don’t. This is the new voice inside my head.

If you find yourself having a rough day or judging yourself too harshly, just remember, YOU ARE NOT YOUR INNER CRITIC, and most importantly, YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Namaste.

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